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Yearly Dementia Test


My mother emailed this to me, so blame her.
Our Yearly Dementia Test

It’s that time of year the annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t  use it, you lose it!

Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory  compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take the test presented here to determine if you are losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast’ give up now and do something                                  else.Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2.   Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.

However, if you said ‘water’, proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.  If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still reading these???
If you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question 4.

4.   It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany ).  Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of ‘no man’s land’ between East Germany and West Germany … Where would you bury the survivors?   East Germany , West Germany ,   Or no man’s land’

Answer: You don’t bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you’re must stop. If you said, ‘You don’t bury survivors’, proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a  calculator – You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales .   In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In   Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven   ..

Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don’t you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!

If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

The first poem ever composed in Ireland?


According to John O’Donahue, this is traditionally believed to be the first poem ever composed in Ireland. Instead of Descartes’s “cogito ergo sum,” I think therefore I am, it is I am because everything else is –The Celtic sense of the complexity of the individual..

Attributed to  Amairgen [Amergin] * , chief poet of the Milesans, on setting foot on the land of Ireland. 1500 B.C.E

I am the wind which breathes upon the sea,

I am the wave of the ocean,

Go to fullsize imageI am the murmur of the billows,

I am the ox of the seven combats,

I am the vulture upon the rocks,

I am a beam of the sun,

I am the fairest of plants.

I am the wild boar in valor,

I am the salmon in the water,

I am a lake in the plain,

I am a world of knowledge,

I am the point of the lance of battle,

I am the God who created the fire in the head.


*  Amergin Glúingel (“white knees”) or Glúnmar (“big knee”) was a druid, bard and judge for the Milesians in the Irish Mythological Cycle. He was appointed Chief Ollam of Ireland by his two brothers the kings of Ireland. A number of poems attributed to Amergin are part of the Milesian mythology.

Today is Paul McCartney’s birthday.



Paul McCartney

Born James Paul McCartney
Born James Paul McCartney

Birth name James Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney was born June 18, 1942 in Liverpool, England, UK.

//

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card-carrying member of the early Baby Boomer generation


I saw this on a blog a while ago. Still true today..  thought it was funny.  🙂

I’m old; a card-carrying member of the early Baby Boomer generation, which means I’m self-obsessed, imbued with an artificial sense of self-worth and self-importance. I’m also starting to come to grips with the aging process and I don’t like it one darned bit. Don’t know how I got this old. And got this old this fast. Funny how a combination of age and aging can change your outlook, isn’t it? And don’t forget, our generation invented sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll, computers, the internet and everything else of any import. Don’t believe us, just ask.

Tongue-in-cheek jokes from 2007


Tongue in cheek jokes from 2007.  I found these in some old email.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that’s taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]


Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren’t they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That’s what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Petticoats were originally for men.


I didn’t know that: Petticoats were originally for men.

I couldn’t find a picture and there is some disagreement about whether a jerkin was worn under or over a doublet. Or whether it is another term for a doublet. etc. But it interesting to think about.

Petticoat

From the Online Etymology Dictionary

early 15c., pety coote, lit. “a small coat,” from petty + coat. Originally a padded coat worn by men under armor, applied 1464 to a garment worn by women and young children. By 1590s, the typical feminine garment, hence a symbol of female sex or character.

From the Encyclopedia Britinnica

The petycote (probably derived from the Old French petite cote, “little coat”) appeared in literature in the 15th century in reference to a kind of padded waistcoat, or undercoat, worn for warmth over the shirt by men.

From Classic Encyclopedia

PETTICOAT, an underskirt, as part of a woman’s dress. The petticoat, i.e. ” petty-coat” or small coat, was originally a short. garment for the upper part of the body worn under an outer dress; in the Promptorium parvulorum the Latin equivalent is, tunicula. It was both a man’s and a woman’s garment, and was, in the first case worn as a small coat under the doublet, and by women apparently as a kind of chemise. It was, however, early applied to the skirt worn by women hanging from the waist, whether as the principal lower garment or as an underskirt. In the middle of the 17th century the wide breeches with heavy lace or embroidered ends worn by men were known as “petticoat breeches,” a term also applied to the loose canvas or oilskin overalls worn by fishermen.

Wictionary

Etymology From petty +‎ coat.

Noun

Singular – petticoat        Plural – petticoats

(historical) A tight, usually padded undercoat worn by men over a shirt and under the doublet.

Whatever Happened to My Knight in Shining Armor?


Whatever Happened to My Knight in Shining Armor?

My knight never came along. Or maybe he did and I just didn’t recognize him. I have been known to be oblivious. One person said “you have to play the damsel in distress and your knight will find you.” I’ve been in a lot of distress in my life and nada. Sorry, but for me, at least, he seems to be a myth. I know, boo hoo.

Cartoon is from:  http://www.funnytimes.com/playground/gallery.php?tag=knight

Below are some comments I found on the web when I asked this question. Maybe some of you will have better comments.

————————————————————————————————————————-

City by-laws prevented him from riding within city limits on a horse. He got so angry he threw himself in the river, the suit of armor got rusty, lost its shine and sunk to the bottom with him in it while still clutching your picture in his outreached hand and gurgling your name.

Comments from the above:

  • dammit. I hate when that happens 🙂
  • Wow … that’s detailed. And depressing! 😉
  • Oh……I thought it was kind of romantic. O.K. maybe not. Well pretend he wasn’t gurgling. Maybe he was singing her name as he sunk to the bottom. Yes, that’s better, isn’t it?
  • I dunno, he’s still dead.
  • O.K. how about this. The horse, waiting outside city boundaries heard the knights armor clanging and ran to his rescue. They trotted off into the sunset and lived happily ever after as soon as the horse escaped from jail after being arrested for loitering on a public beach. The End!
  • LOL Now we’re getting somewhere. But you are still in town waiting for him to arrive …
  • waiting. 🙂
  • No kidding! You’d think it’d be in the Knight’s Handbook, right in Chapter 1! Sorry, but if I do see him wandering around, I’ll advise him to get a move on. 😉
  • I guess this means they aren’t going to live happily ever after. He wasn’t white any way (the horse not the knight) He was kind of palomino color so maybe its for the best.
  • Okay, how about this? The horse, waiting outside city boundaries heard the knights armor clanging and ran to his rescue. They trotted off into the sunset and lived happily ever after as soon as the horse escaped from jail after being arrested for loitering on a public beach. The End!

“Probably vanished – like the sweet young maidens. ; ) Keep looking. Yours may be lurking nearby.”

Lurking? Not sure I would want that knight.

A definition: An experienced knight that has seen battle and obviously survived and polished the armor where he could. He’s good at what he does and can back up his words with action. He is always thinking, planning and calculating but he isn’t as concerned with the polishing of the armor as he is with winning the battle or tourney. He knows eventually he’ll have to replace the armor and he works hard to win prizes in tournaments or battles to pay for replacements …

This one sounds pretty good to me. Now where is he?

Some guy said: “They disappeared because women told them “We’re in the 21st century… I can open the door for myself, you pig!” The last date I had told me beforehand: do NOT open doors for her, do NOT pay for her meal, and do NOT do anything gentlemanly. As they say… Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.”

Sigh.